I found a quote on Facebook, “Knowing a person is like music. What attracts us to them is their melody, and as we get to know who they are, we learn their lyrics.”
To me a person’s melody is their energy. You see somebody across the room and you feel some subtle vibrations. You are curious and you approach them and start a conversation. The words are not that important. You ask the usual questions, “Where are you from? Is this your first time here? How you enjoy being here?” And as you talk you feel that on some deeper level you resonate. If you ever experienced the beautiful moment of resonance you know how it feels.
If there is time and an opportunity, you may talk to this person again and again. Each time going a little bit deeper. Again, it is not the content of a conversation, but a feeling of comfort and ease and curiosity to learn more. It’s this first attraction that prompts you to seek this person’s company and take the next step.
And it may happen that you start sharing your stories and as you do you find yourself explaining in delight and surprise, “Me too!” As my mentor John La Valle once told us, the phrase “I like you” should read “I AM like you.” We are attracted to people who are somewhat similar to us. On the outside they may look and sound very different. But there is something – some common experiences, views, aspirations and often even pain and struggle – that makes you resonate on the same frequency with more and more intensity.
More stories are shared. Each story is like a string stretching from one soul to another, making the connection stronger. With enough time and opportunity, a strong bond may be formed – a friendship or a romantic relationship. A student finding a mentor. A mentor finding a student. A soul finding a soulmate. There is something magical about this process, when a person becomes more and more important, until beautiful flowers of caring affectionate feelings start blossoming.
Yet, all those wonderful things are like river that must begin somewhere. You should be able to hear someone else’s music, before you feel the attraction. And someone else has to be able to hear your music. It may never happen if you block your energy, hide your light and silence your music.
So often when we experience too much pain and rejection growing up, we develop a protective shell to avoid future hurts. We start believing that in order to avoid rejection we need to be nice to everybody. We try to guess what other people may think and we try to fit in. As a result, we block our unique vibrations and we create a wall between us and other people. Even though on the inside we may be desperate for human connections, we make it impossible for those who vibrate on the same frequency to recognize us. If they don’t hear our music, they cannot be attracted to us.
What I learned in my journey of overcoming stuttering is that hiding inside a protective shell rarely protects us from being hurt. It just prevents us from feeling vibrantly, from living fully and from connecting deeply. As I started removing my armor and letting go of my defenses, I found my unique voice flowing more and more freely and my energy growing stronger.
For some taking off the armor and opening up to flow maybe a slow and often painful process. Fortunately, NLP and hypnosis offer us many powerful tools that can make this journey pleasant, fun and exciting experience. As you heal past hurts and learn to use your mind differently, you can develop better and more effective ways to protect yourself, while staying open and flowing.
It’s a beautiful moment when you listen to someone’s music and realize that you want to learn their lyrics as well. And it starts with opening up to your own music and discovering your own lyrics with a sense of deep connection and appreciation.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful, wise and insightful blog! I loved your explanation of how we are attracted to others, using the metaphors of music and lyrics! Beautiful and so very appropriate! Your explanation of creating walls and hiding behind protective shells applies, I think, to all of us at some level. But your description of removing the armor and letting go of our defenses shows us what a wonderful world awaits us all when we take that courageous step! Thank you for all the wisdom that you have been sharing with us in so many ways! You are truly a beautiful light on the planet today!
Thank you, Bernadette. You are an inspiration to me. I’m grateful that I met you and Mike. Anna
Thank you so much for your blog post and the wisdom and insight you share in it. Your insights about how to release oneself from fearfully hiding in a shell yearning to connect but afraid to blossom and connect oneself and truly enjoy relationships with others are so valuable and needed. Your message is so important in this world. Thank you so much for graciously helping others see the way to the release the potential within themselves.
With deepest appreciation,